Alcoholics Anonymous Oregon Area 58
Hospitals Committee:
INSIDE OUT
Volume 1, Article 3
Still Struggling, But I Do Know That I Need AA
I am a thirty-seven year old male and I have been drinking and having problems
with my life for at least the last twenty-two years. I was introduced to AA
some years ago. If I remember correctly, it was while I was incarcerated in
the penitentiary. I honestly think that AA is the best treatment or support
group for those of us that are tired of drinking and suffering the consequences
of our drinking.
My story is one of many but it does have its own twists and turns. I started
drinking at a very early age of twelve. I would drink whenever I could steal
some alcohol or con somebody into giving me some. I also started getting into
trouble with the law about the same time as I became entrenched in getting,
using, and doing whatever it took to be able to use. I was arrested for my
first time for bringing pot to school and I pushed a fire alarm. By this time,
I was smoking pot, drinking alcohol and doing other elicit drugs. I ended
up in juvenile hall and my mother came and pleaded with a judge to allow me
to go with her to Texas. My drinking and drug use continued and so did my
criminal behavior. Several years later, I received my first felony conviction—possession
of cocaine. I received a ten year suspended sentence with ten years probation
plus a fine of $8,000. This was the beginning of my adult criminal history.
I ended up violating my probation several years later and going to prison
in California. After I finished my California prison time, I was extradited
back to Texas and my suspended sentence of ten years was revoked and I was
given five years in the Texas Department of Corrections. After I had served
approximately one year, I was paroled to the great state of Oregon. I was
drinking and using in no time at all and was arrested within months of being
paroled. Back to prison I went. I received a twenty-six month prison sentence.
I served approximately twenty months and then I was paroled. While I was serving
the last prison sentence mentioned, I was introduced to AA.
By this time, I figured that I had better slow down my usage of alcohol and
drugs-- maybe even quit completely. But, I wasn’t real keen on the idea
of stopping my usage all together because I still wasn’t fully convinced
that I was powerless. I knew that I had a problem, but I was sure that I could
control my drinking. My introduction to AA and attendance was for appearance
purposes only. I really didn’t feel that I was an alcoholic. I just
figured that I was over indulging and I could get a handle on this thing.
One of the main reasons I don’t think I took AA very seriously the first
time around was because I had this mode of thinking that “how can I
really get into this whole abstinence thing when I do not have any alcohol
or drugs to tempt me.” This is my main reason for writing this story.
I’m back in custody at the Oregon State Hospital and I’m finding
it difficult to really involve myself in this simple program of AA. I know
that the AA program is definitely what I need, but, once again, I’m
not confronted with the choice to use—alcohol and drugs are not within
reach like they were on the streets. I have begun some step work but my hearts
not really into it. I have full intentions to completely involve myself in
AA and to get a sponsor once I get out. I will “fake it until I make
it,” as they say, even if I may not want to do it. I hope that my story
will help somebody. I’m still struggling, but I do know that I need
AA and I will stay involved with this program for the rest of my life.
D. (male, age 37)
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